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Zdjęcie główne artykułu Breaking Chains: The Ultimate Courage of Letting Go of Blame

Breaking Chains: The Ultimate Courage of Letting Go of Blame

Text from the series “Holistic Healing Chronicles: Nourishing Your Body, Mind, and Soul for Lasting Wellness” by Nisarga Eryk Dobosz.

Greetings to all fellow seekers of healing and self-discovery!

We traverse life’s pathways in myriad ways, each perceiving it through our unique lens. It never ceases to amaze me how the same event can elicit such different reactions in people, all rooted in our past experiences. Often, we find ourselves reacting or assigning blame for our circumstances or emotions. We might mutter, “They did this to me,” or “It always happens like this.” Such sentiments leave us feeling disempowered. Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not downplaying our stories or past experiences. They hold weight; they’re significant. They’ve helped shape who we are. Yet, how frequently do we lose touch with ourselves, resorting to blame or stagnation as we craft stories or conjure up countless interpretations for a single situation?

Our nervous system seems predisposed to favor the familiar hell over the unfamiliar heaven – it is wired to trauma and houses our harrowing experiences from the past. Its chief aim is our safety, resorting to defense mechanisms from our Adaptive Child. But venturing into the unknown, daunting as it may seem, offers a gateway to unfamiliar heaven. Conversely, comfort often serves as a deceptive veil for a familiar hell. Embracing discomfort, even when it feels daunting, allows us to rewire our system for new responses, forging fresh neurological connections in our brains conducive to safety, love, compassion, intimacy, and joy.

Allow me to illustrate this point with an anecdote shared by one of my teachers—a tale that beautifully illustrates how we can liberate ourselves from blame and projections.

Imagine this: Someone carelessly bumps into you, causing your coffee to spill everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee?

“Because someone bumped into me!”

Wrong answer!

You spilled the coffee because your cup contained coffee. Had it held tea, you’d have spilled tea. What fills your cup is what spills out. So, when life shakes you—as it inevitably will—what spills forth? Joy, gratitude, peace, and humility? Or anger, bitterness, victimhood, and defeat?

Life offers the cup; it’s up to you to fill it. My aim is to fill mine with joy, happiness, presence, and compassion—for myself and others. I endeavor to swiftly recognize moments where I blame others for spilling my metaphorical coffee, understanding why I’m triggered and exploring alternative perspectives before moving forward with peace in my heart. My intention is to authentically express my boundaries in the present moment, with genuine feelings, without causing harm. It’s a journey of living without blame and embracing forgiveness for those I may have held accountable. What journey do you choose? What fills your cup?

On multiple occasions, I have used Byron Katie’s “The Work” to help me to reach profound places of self-realization:

  1. Is this true?
  2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
  3. How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without this thought?


These inquiries help us recognize that our reactions stem from our wounds and belief systems. We can continuously evolve, viewing life and people through more loving and compassionate lenses. But we must relinquish blame, projections, and criticism to return to our hearts. Only then can we perceive reality as it is, without distortion. Nurture the courage to be a warrior of the heart, showering loving kindness upon others. The rewards are boundless—the ultimate state of compassionate possibilities awaits.

With heartfelt compassion and dedication,

Nisarga Eryk Dobosz


Follow Nisarga’s Facebook page – here

Nisarga Eryk Dobosz – founder of the Integral Body Institute. He has been practicing bodywork, breathwork, meditation and tantra for over 20 years. He is a bodywork and breathwork therapist, specialising in Myofascial Energetic Release, Biodynamic Breathwork and Trauma Release and deep tissue work. An experienced teacher of Lomi Lomi Nui massage and Tantra.

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